As we go into the new year, I am thinking about how important our relationships are to our well being – both personal and professional relationships. While technology (and the Internet) brings us together, it can also tear us apart. The social media sites can be war zones if we allow them to be – and no one wins those wars. Going into the new year, how do we set a good foundation for solid, harmonious relationships?
Relationship With Self:
Our primary relationship is with ourselves, and with whatever we consider to be the spiritual source in our life. Our actions needs to be in alignment with our belief system – in other words, we need to walk our talk. Questions that we need to ask ourselves are:
1. Do I like myself?
2. How can I best nurture myself?
3. Am I behaving in a manner that reflects my beliefs?
4. What can I do to build my own self-confidence?
Relationship With Family:
Families create the foundation for our lives. We got part of our belief system from them, and we certainly carry memories from years past – some that sustain us, and some that act as shadows (issues or incidents that bring out fear or anxiety). What things do we need to look at that can make dealing with family members easier?
1. Take a deep breath, and have patience with family members. We know them well, so we know their push buttons, and we would do well to stay away from them. Develop patience – so you have heard the same story more times than you care to count – allow them to tell it again. It takes time for people to change their patterns of acting/reacting – getting angry at them is not going to make matters any better.
2. Be willing to go the extra mile. Offer to help a family member with whatever they need help with – even if it is only that they need someone to listen to them. How well their life goes affects how well your life goes.
3. Look at family interactions in a realistic manner. Some things will never change. You have the option of trying to deal with that, or walking away. The choice is yours. Make a choice that you can live with.
Relationship With Friends:
Friends can be our greatest allies, or our worst enemies. One way I look at friendship is that we get out of it what we put into it.
1. Look for things that you have in common, for something that will build a solid foundation for friendship. Look for ways to support the other person, and they will look for ways to support you.
2. Set aside the concept of “What can they do for me?”. At best, this leads to a shallow relationship, at worst it leads to a situation where one or both of you is using the other person. And you can be sure that when you are having a rough time, and need the other person to be supportive, that they won’t be able to be found anywhere near you.
3. Work at listening to the other person, and developing trust between you.
4. Understand that an argument is not the end of the world. Be willing to set aside judgment.
5. Maintain consistent communication with the other person, and show them respect.
Professional Relationships:
Professional relationship can be minefields if we allow them to be. Whether you are working directly on a project with one or more other people, or you are simply networking within your professional community, maintaining a good professional relationship is the key to being successful in your profession. Some of the things that you might want to look at are:
1. Communication – keep your communication with other professionals consistent. If you only communicate with them when you want something, they are going to catch on to that fast! Make best use of the social media sites (Twitter, Face Book, Linked In, My Space) – share small bits of your day, comment on things that they have posted (in a positive manner – a negative comment is unnecessary, and is not conducive to a harmonious working relationship). If they ask a question, and you have the answer, be willing to step up and share your expertise.
2. Look for commonality in your networking. What interests do you share, what work experience do you share, what people do you know in common. The more things that you have in common, the easier it will be to develop a solid, trusting relationship.
3. Conduct yourself in a professional manner. Show respect for the other person, and for their views. You don’t have to agree with them, but you do need to allow them to express themselves. If there is too much difference here, then you need to look at things that you can do to create common goals, or, if necessary, walking away from any relationship with this individual. Issues between the two of you are just that – between the two of you. It is not necessary to blog about it, or tell your Face Book or Twitter friends what the issues are. You are not doing yourself or anyone else any favors by putting negative energy out there.
4. Recognize that whatever field you work in is like a small community – everybody knows everything about everybody. Make an effort to be friendly, positive, and caring. Treat other people the way that you would like to be treated.
Overall Thoughts:
This is just a random listing of thoughts regarding ways that we can hold our integrity in relationship:
1. Learn to listen well. When someone is speaking, stop the chatter in your mind and listen. Give them the respect of offering your undivided attention.
2. Ask questions to draw people out. If you can see where someone is coming from, i.e. what is important to them, you can find a way to accomplish your goals by helping them accomplish theirs.
3. Keep interactions on a positive note – talking about other people does no one any good. If you cannot say something positive – stay silent.
4. Learn to forgive – yourself, and other people. Forgiveness comes from the heart, and keeps you in tune with your spiritual source. The power in forgiveness is that we put the experience behind us and start anew. The experience that hurt us, if we forgive and release it, no longer has the power to hurt.
5. Aim for harmony in your relationships. Being right does not necessarily make you a good person. Proving the other person wrong does not necessarily make them a bad person. Be willing to compromise, and tghe goals that you have set will be accomplished.
6. When you enter into a relationship, do it for the right reason. What you can get from the other person, what they can do for you, is not the right reason. Look for things that you have in common with the other person, and ways in which you can be of support for each other. This is the way that trust is built.
7. Think before you speak or act. What impact are your words going to have on the other person? What impact are your actions going to have on the other person? If you are harming them in any way, you may need to rethink why you are in that relationship. The same goes for things that are said or done after a relationship is over. There is no reason to portray the other person in a bad light. It keeps negative energy in your life, and brings negative energy into theirs. Just move on, and clear your energy fields of any residue from the relationship.
8. Bring out your sense of humor! A little humor can get us over the bad spots in life. Life is all about change – the moment we are in right now will change!
9. Create your own sacred space, and don’t put too many expectations on yourself, the other person, or the relationship per se.
10. Let your own light shine – be the best person that you can be, and enjoy life to the fullest!
(c) January 2012 Bonnie Cehovet
There is a lot going on in the Tarot world – very exciting things! Mary Nale will be putting out a special Valentine’s Day edition of her “Attune Magazine” - http://attunemagazine.blogspot.com/. Please contact Mary if you would like to contribute an article, photo, poetry etc.
